Weight and diets!

Thanks to an under active Thyroid, I've battled with my weight, but out of it, some poems published!

Weight a minute!

Just look at my weight, oh boy what a state!

The size of my frame is now under debate!

My tits now enlarged to thirty six C

(they used to be a thirty four B)

Baggy jumpers and leggings I wear with a passion-

Who said that now they've gone out of fashion?

My stomach I look at with mounting confusion

It looks like I'm pregnant, but that's an illusion!

The 'spaghetti' I see are really stretch marks,

I turn off the light (you can't see in the dark)

Mr. Blobby now puts me to shame,

Too many takeaways-they're part to blame.

To put on my jeans needs physical force,

Fat gained here and there of course!

To stand up in them after isn't a pleasure,

Now scared of reaching for my tape measure.

I won't stand o my scales as now they could break,

It takes all my will power to stop eating cake!

This time last year I was a size ten,

Now a generous fourteen is now my best friend.

I can't blame my diet of pasta and rice,

'Tho another helping don't get turned down twice!

The urge for chocolate is really quite strong,

To eat more than one bar I know would b wrong

And extra strong mints help carry the day,

sugar for energy - that's what I say!

But my thinking and theory must be wrong,

As my weight now has gone on and on.

Even my shoes have not got the blues

And clothes are getting harder to choose.

With Christmas impending, foods' now a peril,

With extra drink flowing ones' got to be careful.

(Now my double chin is almost treble)

Hide the quality street

Else I won't see my feet!

After New Year I must find some power,

'Tho where it will come from, which way and how?

Do exercise, I suppose,

Bend over and touch my toes.

But by summer I know size fourteen will cease,

By this time next year I won't be obese!

Copyright Linda Lawrence
18th December 1993

See Food

I've tried everything to lose this weight

What am I supposed to do?

I've eaten tons of bananas and thought that was great!

But the fats' still stuck like glue.

Dr. Atkins method worked for a while,

But learnt it's not good for my heart,

It made my breath smell deeply vile

And all I did was fart.

The cabbage soup was nauseous

A bowlful with every meal.

I felt like a vegetable in the end

As the carrots went on overkill.

The Cambridge one was daunting;

All good things in a drink,

All that dosh to lose some flab

Ended up down the sink!

The cereal twice a day

Rice Krispies or special K,

Porridge that I detest the most

And dreaming of some cheese on toast!

And now I've seen a new GI-

Another diet that's caught my eye!

And hope to ride the weight stuck to my thighs

But will it really work, I sigh?

I think I'll stick to seafood

And the benefits of omega three

It's supposed to enhance the brain cells

(Still waiting for it to work for me.....)

Copyright Linda Lawrence
18th January 2005

Fit for nothing

My stomach is flatter

I'm looking less fatter

My boobs have shrunk a bit.

My weights' been controlling

I needed cajoling

And starting to get fit.

I've chucked out the pasta

Walking a lot faster

And eating my five a day fruit.

My thighs are smaller

(But wish I was taller)

And given the oats the boot.

The bread is history

But that was risky

'Coz it caused me awful pain.

So I've stopped the wheat

But have the occasional treat

Put a stop to this weight gain.

I won't be a size ten

Ever again

Just want to be a bit slimmer.

Want back some shape

For everyone’s' sake I won't stop moaning till I'm thinner!

Copyright Linda Lawrence
26th March 2006