Saturday 29 December 2007

Always

For my children
Always
~~
As long as my heart beats in my chest
For you I'll always do my best;
As long as I see the sun in the sky,
You'll know I'll always be close by.
Wherever you decide to live
You know I'll always try and give.
As long as you will try and respect;
You know I'll always try and protect.
Whatever happens to make you cry
You know I'll always try to take your side.
As long as you stay truthful to me -
I'll love you unconditionally.
As long as you smile and I hear your laughter,
I'll always be happy ever after.
I know that in my heart of hearts
We will never be that far apart.
And when my time comes, I'll be a shining star
Still looking after you from afar.
Copyright Linda Lawrence

26th December 2007

Ugh! Brussels Sprouts!

With thoughts of Christmas.........

Ugh! Brussel Sprouts!

They're bought in job lots every year
To eat them with our wine and beer,.
They look and taste like rotting greens
And smell like tins of cold baked beans!
They even have the same outcome
As wind rumbles around in our tums.
Our usual sunny dispositions
Displeased by a cruel Yule tide tradition.
We ask why on Festive plate we allow
The horrible Brussel, it tastes so foul?
The humble looking little green bud -
We sit there, retching up the cud.
The mini cabbage will make us gag
That's only fit for a black bin bag!
Then more revolt - the veg and spuds
Served up warm for tomorrows' lunch!
That end up in a bubble and squeak,
Those leftovers' fried in oil so deep.
For Veggies' that are bought so seldom,
Why don't we just send them all to Belgium?
And most will end up in the bin -
Better out then in - they're so disgusting!

I know there's some who enjoy a Brussel
With vitamins to build up body and muscle,
While others like their taste and pungency,
But personally - they're really not for me

Copyright Linda Lawrence 
2007

29th December 2007

Friday 14 December 2007

My arm is in a sling...

Having recently lost a fight with a wheelie bin, ended up having my thumb nail off!

My arm is in a sling!

My arm is in a sling~
Was attacked by a wheelie bin!
Am incapacitated
And very aggravated
By the cumbersome plastic thing.

My thumb nails' been taken away,
The house is in disarray.
Can't scratch my bum
Because of my sore thumb,
Can't even use the underarm spray!

Ain't feeling none too pleased,
(Mixed with my flesh are some mushy peas)
But my thumb got stuck
Shouted "damn and fuck"
But the lid, by then made its' seize!

Am having problems washing my bits
And putting a bra upon my tits,
At night I do fidget
All because of this digit
And am traumatised out of my wits!

I do not want to alarm
But only have use of one arm!
Can't shave my leg hair
And armpits - don't go there!
Am trying to stay very calm.

Don't want to make a fuss
But feeling a little bit crushed,
Can't begin to cook
Or read a book,
Or even get friendly with lust!

It isn't every day
A bin makes you feel this way,
So to the council of Sussex West
I'm not at my best

You've got a lot to answer for today!

Copyright Linda Lawrence

8th December 2007

Saturday 3 November 2007

Stench

Having got home from at evening shift, this smell wafted up my nose.......!

There was this stench
It stunk to high heaven!
It was getting late~
Way past eleven.
***
I looked high and low;
Under, over and in the bed.
Couldn't find where the reek was
Not even in the shed!
***
I checked the carpet on the floor
The bathroom and the loo
Even peeped behind the door
Whiffed the washing basket too!
***
I looked in the sidebourd
Under the sink
But just couldn't find
The cause of the stink!
***
I peered under the chairs
The bench as well,
The cupbourd under the stairs
But could not detect that smell!
***
It followed me everywhere
Where did it belong?
I had to find
This terrible pong.
***
I peeked in the wardrobe,
Shook the sheets
And finally found that source.......
They were my rancid feet!
***
Copyright Linda Lawrence
2nd November 2007

Saturday 20 October 2007

There's no such thing

For Joseph, only I haven't told him the bad news yet..........!

There's no such thing
~
How disappointing this will be-
There's no real fairy on the Christmas tree,
No Elves, nor goblins or pixies in sight;
Or a Father Christmas who creeps in late at night.
~
I think you're old enough for the truth
That there's no pretty fairy that collected your tooth.
I pass on to you what I have sadly been told,
That at the end of the rainbow there's no pot of gold.
~
No reindeer riding over our cold Christmas sky,
No toys made in Lapland, so why do you we lie?
The UFO's only in your minds' eye
As an invisible spaceship orbits and flies.
~
And the ghost that you said freaked you out
They don't exist - there's no phantom about!
Or angels with wings nor magic fairy dust
And neither have people been born on cusps.
~
All your imaginary friends' are in your head -
And what of the bogeyman under your bed?
I'm sorry to say there's no fairyland,
But know all this magic has lent a hand.
~
It's Mum and Dad who hid your teeth
Somewhere high and out of reach.
We made an effort and made a fuss
And now you know it was really us!
But through childhood they've helped you to grow

Into a perfect little boy so lovely to know.
~

Copyright Linda Lawrence
16th October 2007

Friday 19 October 2007

Can I help you?


Can I help you?

I'm not just a woman behind a till
Who scans your Ovaltine and Aubergines
Or painkilling pills.
I'm not just a simpleton on a checkout, by the way
And don't think you can take it out on me
For your bad day,
But for the few minutes you are here
I'll listen to what you have to say.

Don't look at me as if I'm unintelligent
Because I've rung the wrong amount
Or lost my count;
The automation is to blame,
But you are quick to claim
Because I look a little lame;
But as your eyes meet mine that glare, I will have to accept
And bite my tongue accepting the customer is always correct.

There's a split in your bag
And by the time you reach me,
Shopping's become a terrible drag;
And now I hear you,
"Shouldn't have picked this queue
It's wasting too much of my precious time!
I only needed milk, some apples and bread, but instead
There was a special offer on Rose Wine for £2.99".

Because you think your job is more demanding
Or you've a bigger salary
Doesn't make you any better than me!
And as you start to become more commanding
As I scan your tins of passata
Some garlic puree and cream of tartar,
My humble offer of putting points on your card
And doing you a small favour now becomes very hard.


For the umpteenth time I ask for a card to swipe
And enquire that you might like
Me to help you pack?
And for the hundredth time
While you're a customer of mine
You might even need some cash back?
And as I start getting tongue tied
I'm getting confused and tired
I am a human being behind the checkout -Freezing my hands on your frozen food,
Ignoring that you're being rude
(But the customer is always right)
And now I've offered to help you pack
Because of the time you lack,
I'll stay in a good mood
And wave you off with a fond goodnight.

Can I help you?


Copyright Linda Lawrence

3rd October 2007

Wednesday 22 August 2007

Faceless

Trying to make fun of life when things wind you up a little........
Faceless

You've lost your job

To a dull grey machine

Sitting there in silver glean

And as I placed the payment slip

Into the metal slit,

I wondered why the friendly face

Had been replaced

By an automaton with a MONSTROUS GOB!

Copyright Linda Lawrence
22nd August 2007

Saturday 4 August 2007

Short Stories - 'Strange Magic' The Board of Truth/ A Mauritian Dream



Strange Magic

The Board of Truth

The Ouija board - fascinating, frightening, fact or fabrication? Don't take my word for it, but it really works. I don't know how or why, but it works. You can actually feel the force of the glass the way it glides across a polished table almost lifting to reach its destination of letters, numbers or towards a simple 'yes' or 'no'. I swear it can even read your mind, as I asked it if there was a God and a Devil and it went straight to 'yes'!

Going through an experimental stage with Spiritualism, I joined a couple of friends who were asking some spirit many questions and watched in awe as the glass seemed to have had a mind of its own. It did not feel spooky; I just felt somehow drawn in. I did not question if the Ouija would be meddling with the unknown or if it could be dangerous in some way. Most of the time it was completely nonsensical anyway and whatever the glass spelt out, did not mean much to anyone. It became addictive somehow, because in an odd kind of way it was entertaining and every now and again, some of it did make sense. Like the time I met Pete. I often went out with a crowd of like minded people and never thought anything more than being friends until one day, it was obvious that one of the male friends meant a little more to me. It might have been because I was feeling vulnerable, but I knew he felt the same. We decided to keep the relationship quiet, otherwise it might of complicated things between our shared friends - at least for the time being. It wasn't long before I felt something very strong for him.

After a few weeks, I joined the same couple of friends on the Ouija board and almost immediately started answering to me. It spelt out the name of Pete and the words about our relationship and that it had turned to love. I tried to deny it and felt so deeply embarrassed because I did not want anyone to know about it as I was going through a complicated divorce. My two friends were suspicious - of course they were right to be! I was now a little more convinced that the board of truth was not a fluke and that at times, maybe possible to make contact with those who passed over.

As for Pete, our relationship fizzled out after a few months because our personal circumstances were problematic. We felt, due to our circumstances it was more important not to stay an item - but the board was right, I thought a lot of him at the time and I do believe he felt the same.

It was of great importance that the glass was 'clean' and took great care into saying a prayer of protection before and after any seance took place. Most of the time it was during the day as if it were safer than in the dark of the night.

None of my loved ones that had passed over made any contact with me and believe me, I would have loved to have heard some words that only I would be able to relate to, just to have more proof of the afterlife, but when my ex brother in law mysteriously died in a freak accident, he quite literally bled to death after falling through a glass door in a foreign country. A semi haemophiliac, nobody knew the real truth what happened and it was frustrating enough trying to translate any information that was given to us. A huge mystery and nobody ever got the bottom of it. We did not know if he was murdered or if it was an accident, but after a session on the board a few weeks after his death with just his widow and myself, it very strongly kept on moving backwards and forwards to the letter 'Y' and it kept saying 'Y' 'Y' 'Y' and wondered if his spirit was asking why? That was the strongest I ever felt it move and I believe that if we had let that glass move of its own accord it might have flown across the room. The widow and I even felt there was a presence in the room and both looked at the same spot where we thought it was. We also believed this was my brother in law trying to make contact with us in a very confused way.

During the throes of my divorce, I was left in a delicate situation. My finances had changed dramatically. I was without my estranged husbands earnings coming in and I had to give up work to claim benefits. In the end I was forced to take in a lodger to meet the payments for mortgage and bills, etc. During the course of this time I befriended the lodger and with my friend over a drink, we decided to have a dabble with the Ouija board. After a few minutes, it was obvious that a spirit wanted to make contact with the lodger and spelt out words and with such force, 'Liar' 'cheat' thief'! The lodger was so deeply embarrassed that his whole face was as red as his bright red shirt. It was quite amusing to see him in such a state having recognised the spirits' name that came through to him and him taking it all so seriously! But after a year or so, towards the end of his stay, he left me with a huge telephone bill, having made contact with his father who lived in Australia and an ex girlfriend who lived 150 miles away. He was also a couple of weeks in arrears with his rent money. It was not a good time, especially as he promised to send over the money that he owed me that never appeared.

About a year later, I heard that he had an accident on his motor cycle. He was lucky or even unlucky he didn't get killed as he fractured so many bones in his body - some beyond repair which in later years he couldn't cope with and eventually, he ended up in a psychiatric unit.

I had read stories that bad spirits from the lower plane could easily come through the glass and it was after one nonsensical session that I started having frightening dreams. One dream was so bad I was unable to sleep properly night after night without looking around the room. i dreamt I woke up and it was in the dead of night and walked into the spare bedroom. There was furniture covered in old off white blankets, covered in cobwebs. There were more dirty old cobwebs and dust hanging from the ceiling. I did not understand why this was happening as in the dream I felt as if I was wide awake. I walked into the bathroom, sat on the edge of the bath, the door that was slightly ajar; I could see a blackened glove hand, slowly coming towards me and nearer my neck until I physically felt the individual leather clad fingers closing around my windpipe until it was hard to breathe. I was so frightened, I willed myself to wake up and was still panting and hyperventilation for hours after waking. The nightmares kept coming and I was standing in my hallway and couldn't look up towards my stairs or move anywhere. I was quite ridged to the spot not knowing what was in front or behind me - just the feeling and the smell of pure fear. I was crying for help and nobody came. Just the darkness and the unknown.

I have stood in my kitchen and felt as if there was a presence with me which frightened me so much, I could not stay in there. I have seen really ugly twisted faces of humans in the bark of my old tall apple tree at the end of my garden during the twilight evenings.
My daughter had a very good friend in Katy that lived not far from us and stayed overnight regularly, often playing music from their favourite bands, learning different songs on the piano, talking into the night about their favourite boys, make up, clothes and all things that eleven year olds' do. They giggled far into the night and had a strong friendship. A few weeks later, Katy was brutally murdered. The bastard who murdered her was already sectioned or so it was reputed. He was a sick, twisted, pervert, who was obviously watching Katy every evening on her way home from school as and she took the 100 yards or so short cut to her house through an alleyway, this is where her life ended. He was found guilty and put away for life, but still a mystery surrounded the case.
Many months later, we got out our Ouija glass, washed it clean, asked for a prayer of protection and together with the parent of the little girl used the letters and numbers for identification and after some time, it seemed Katy had made contact. She spelt out a name of a car and described it as being red and a brief description of another person. After that session, it looked as if someone had breathed inside that glass and within that opaque piece of glass was a perfectly scrawled childish letter 'k'. That letter 'k' remains in the glass today, but whether or not this new information was reported to the police or whether it was taken seriously, I really do not know.

In the meantime, it is rumoured that Pete ended up in prison after beating someone up leaving him in very bad shape. Apparently, he went quiet mad within the prison walls because of all the screaming but they were his own screams of insanity that could be heard around the hundreds of prison cells, that echoed around the prison day and night.
One of the other crowd ended up having a nervous mental breakdown and is still breaking down today.

Another continually looks over her shoulder day and night and keeps looking under her bed, often waking up and rechecking. She never turns her night light off. She also developed an obsessive compulsive disorder and had to check everything three times. She washed her hands three times and read correspondence through three times - she even used three pieces of toilet paper and turned the key in the lock three times, going out and coming in. The washing up, hovering and all daily activities took all day as a consequence and when my telephone stops and starts three times in a row, I know who is trying to contact me.

The widow remarried, but her children turned against her and totally disowned her.
I do believe the rest of the other crowd are still dabbling.

I still have nightmares night after night that seem so real. I am afraid to go to sleep as I am to stay awake.

I am now convinced there is such a thing as spirit and the afterlife but will never know what kind of entity that will enter your home when dabbling with the Ouija board and if you ever get rid of it and wondered if this has happened to me.

Copyright Linda Lawrence


27th July 2006




Strange magic

A Mauritian Dream

Jacob didn’t like it when Mummy dropped him off at nursery four times a week – and so early in the morning. He was very young and at the tender age of three and a half he had little understanding of his feelings other than his confused thoughts of being left by himself with people he hardly knew and not with his Mummy. Once there, he was given some breakfast and lunch by these strangers who were trying so hard to be nice to him - but they were not his Mummy. He struggled with his emotions and thought if Mummy loved him as she occasionally told him, he would be with her and not here with these other grown-ups and other children. He wanted cuddles and his own toys in his own house with all the little familiarities around him. Another day, more hysterical screaming and salty tears fell from the lonely little boys’ big saucer brown eyes. His cute button nose that was continually running watery snot that was so sore after wiping it away onto the hard white cheap tissues the strangers gave him and his top lip smarted from his constant licking. By the time Mummy came to rescue him from the Nursery, his eyes were so red and puffy, he could do more than fall into a troubled sleep; tired and exhausted from his weeping and was put straight to bed without a story nor nursery rhyme or just a simple cuddle. Daddy was hardly ever home and when he was, he was always busy on the computer occasionally stealing a glance at his young son during those precious days at home, but too preoccupied to really acknowledge what his little boy was getting up to.

Jacob didn’t know what a holiday was, or the animals in the zoo of one of his big nature books. The blue seaside and yellow sandcastles looked like such fun for the little smiling boys and girls in the pictures of one of his storybooks, but that was a life that didn’t belong to him. He had a slide, swing and see-saw in the big garden, but nobody to see-saw with him. He knew his little friend a few doors away had a big sister who always played with her brother as he longed for another sibling or just a nice friend to play with.

A normal inquisitive little boy who had wandered into the study, the door unwittingly left open by his father after finding a much-needed book. There were boxes of books, old ornaments so pretty in colours and from far away lands. Materials in the brightest and boldest of beautiful colours and junk – so much junk. Black statues, letters of the alphabet, boards with letters and numbers on, tiny dolls, more books with so much grey dust on them, folders with heaps of paperwork and so many old relics. Jacob thought this must be some sort of wonderland with so much mystery and intrigue; he’d never been in this room before but then he heard his Dad walk into the room and showing his annoyance at finding Jacob in there.

Anita was a beautiful looking woman on the outside. She had the leanest of figures, tall and pretty with the most liquid deep-set brown eyes. The way she sashayed up and down the corridor of the old folks home in the South East of England - far away from her homeland of the West Indies. Anchora was renowned to be the most popular retirement home in the district and Anita had worked so hard to get where she wanted to be in a Managerial position. She was good at her job – at least head office in the city thought she was the best at juggling the accounts and saving the company money. Fact was, the more money she saved, the bigger her annual bonus and she was clearly hungry for more money. She was not very well liked with hardly any of her staff because she simply did not know how to relate to them. She wasn’t a peoples’ person at all and she had upset most of them many times, contradicted herself and it was so difficult to approach her as she tended to sweep problems under the carpet without resolving anything at all, be it an incident with a resident, a staff member, a problem with the home. She often overreacted as if she could not cope, only to try and compose herself shortly after to try and justify her actions. She had a false laugh, which made some people feel uneasy or uncomfortable. As she walked through the corridors, she had no intention of dropping in on the residents and seemed to take delight at ordering her staff how to do things ‘her way’. It was indeed, an unhappy environment and the residents sensed most of the staff were feeling despondent and depressed. Anita loved the power, control and the sound of her job title but did not adhere to her role and this was the way she had treated her staff expecting too much all at once resulting in tears of frustration, even illness and eventual showdowns. Some had learned to live with it. Many staff had resigned because of her attitude. She could be so rude to them with little perception of how they might be feeling. She disposed of staff as easy as she employed them as it suited. It was clear; all she cared for was the running of the home and it to be run properly without any other care except to make as much money as possible. The carer’s salaries were only just above the minimum wage - but they stayed. They needed a pay packet, so they persisted, except a few who were bold enough to say enough was enough and pursued another job. Many prayed she would leave or be replaced although some who stayed often chanted ‘better the devil you know’ as if someone new would be so much worse than her – if that were possible.

Another day and more ear-piecing screams from Jacob, not wanting to be anywhere else other than the small comfort of the house he lived in. Anita eventually gave in to having a day at home with him. The guilt set in every now and again that showed there really was a human bone of some kindness in her body somewhere. The usual cold-hearted behaviour spilled over from work to home from home to work.

Every room in the family house spilled over with material wares. The five bedroom detached house in rural South East England was approximately 17 and a half kilometres from the care home where Anita pursued her career, was as cold as she was. No room had been decorated with love - just the builders, painters and decorators with her orders of personal taste. The exception of Jacobs’ room however, consisted of pastels and a rainbow theme with a pretty coloured carpet and his bedroom made him feel comforted and cosseted He’d often touch the ends of the rainbow somehow searching for his salvation in the magical rainbow world.

Sitting on Mummy’s lap was so rare that he felt so frustrated at not having more of these moments; he scratched her face which drew blood and tugged her black hair so hard a clump of it fell into his hand. Anita was so shocked and surprised as her own tears fell, her little boy’s heartfelt sorrow of regret fell onto a heart so frozen and found himself back in his room ‘until he could behave’ properly. The whole day was one of difficulty and Jacob almost wished he were back with the strangers at the nursery where he might have had some tasty lunch instead of that disgusting vegetable soup he was made to eat with the wholemeal bread. Once again, he did not understand how he should be feeling or why he pulled Mummy’s hair so hard, but he knew now it was wrong. He found some solace playing Mummy’s and Daddy’s with his tiny dolls he found and imagined what a happy family might have been like and an overwhelming craving for something to change.

The most powerful and intense pain of childbirth went on for hours upon hours; it was too late for an emergency Caesarean and the strong pain relief that had been administered some hours ago had worn off and too late to receive more. With every push, she felt herself tear a little more and her screaming that was heard from other mothers-to-be had now been replaced by a resigned weak whimpering. It was decided she would have some help from forceps and before the local anaesthetic fully numbed her, she was surgically cut to allow the baby to be pulled out. More complications arose as the chord was situated in an awkward and dangerous position and all the money for the private room and the flurry of the team of Doctors and Midwives did everything they could to ensure this child was born now as safely as possible and as a pair of hands reached high beyond the baby to manipulate the position, the last ounce of her energy were her ear-piecing screams that filled the hospital corridors.

The team could not remember the last time they had witnessed such a traumatic and dangerous birth.

While Daddy was tidying Jacob’s bedroom, he came across a small, slim, black effigy and wondered why it had dried blood and black hair attached to it. He thought no more about it and this and some other tiny baby dolls were chucked into the landfill bin.

Anita was still in terrible shock by the birth, she could do no more than sit in a strange transfixed stare occasionally flinging her arms in the air looking like she was trying to climb up and out of something. This went way beyond postnatal depression and needed much intense care and several days staying in a day centre to give her the proper help that was needed after her being sectioned.

Jacob’s new little brother was so perfect, he stared at him adoringly for ages on end wanting him to grow up fast so he could play on his see-saw  He rushed in from his new school from his reception class yearning to have a cuddle with him and his new Nanny was only happy to oblige.


Copyright Linda Lawrence

11th June 2009





Wednesday 25 July 2007

Short stories - 'Strange Magic' Magic Dust/Dated

Strange Magic

Magic Dust

I love car boot sales, but have often come back empty handed. Just browsing around and meeting people give me enough satisfaction. Of course there have been times when I've spotted a bargain or something unusual to grace my home.
I had also been digging around the family tree for many months now and trying to piece our family together, especially on my late mother's side.

I often admired a grotesquely but strangely beautiful, almost tacky, pale green dinner set my owned as long as I can remember and she told me that it would eventually be passed down to me. She was very vague as to what person from the family originally owned it, only that it was passed down to her late mother and from her mother to my late mother. Apart from being old, it was in reasonably good condition, considering its age, apart from one missing plate. It was lovely just to display it in a cabinet only to come out when it needed dusting. It was a shame it was incomplete, but for something so old, looked very pretty in its own way in the cabinet.

My father was born in Scotland, my mother in North London and we always seemed to be moving house earlier on in my childhood. My mother never seemed settled, almost as if she wanted to run away from something but she seemed to enjoy the upheaval of the moving and she often said she couldn't see the point in staying in one place; both her parents has passed away and was not particularly close to her two sisters or extended family, although I did not know why. We did try to keep in touch with our cousins, but very difficult when on the move! My younger brother and I thought it was one big adventure and have revelled in the fact that we know much about many counties of England. Derbyshire, Lincolnshire, Shropshire, Northamptonshire to name a few. We even moved to Glasgow, Scotland for a while, near to where my father was born, but dad had terrible trouble finding work and when he did, he couldn't settle. We finally ended up moving to Hertfordshire where we settled for many happy years until I met my husband and had two gorgeous girls. As they grew up they didn't share my enthusiasm of car boot sales, our family tree or my inheritance of the dinner set! So it seemed I wouldn't have immediate family to pass it down to. 'What's the point of a dinner set with a plate missing?' They often reminded me.

With the birth of the Internet, one of my daughters just happened to find a web page on antiques and accidentley stumbled on a similar dinner set worth approximately £3500 for auction in its entirety, even in bad condition! A rarity, all made by hand and not many around. So she casually asked me to live it in my will to her. Oh it probably wasn't the same set, but did look familiar to my dinner set but didn't think any more about it. For goodness' sake, what were the chances of this?

The family tree was getting more mysterious but trying to piece it together was getting exciting. It took many months to track down members of the family and eventually wrote to three, a great aunt, a second cousin on my dad's side and a cousin who we lost contact with on mum's side when we moved the first time, who passed on my address to other relations and after some time I was completely baffled as to who was who! After some moths of corresponding, with my cousin from my mothers side of the family, one of the letter I received from her was rather strange but almost convincing. I have never believed in witchcraft, but apparently according to he, there was a little bit of hocus pocus, white magic, tarot cards, séances all going on with a late great great great aunt and that she had left all manor of oddities in her will to various nieces and nephews (as she had no children of her own) which included various stones, a crystal ball, magic dust and all other things I had never heard of. Interesting, but never believed in any of it. My parents had never mentioned anything like this before, so maybe my cousin was just being a little over imaginative and after all, this was many generations ago and things like this get misconstrued over many years. My cousin lived in Lowestoft and although not that far away, very unlikely I would take time out to meet her. However, she did make the effort to keep in touch after some weeks gave her my telephone number for the odd chat. She didn't emphasize on what she had mentioned in her letter about witchcraft when we spoke, but she did say, during one conversation, that maybe one day, some unexplainable occurrence might happen and I might well question it and laughed at her comment. Sadly, she died after only fourteen months of making contact again and regretted that I never took the time to go and visit her.

A couple of years later, my husband very unexpectedly lost his job and we all jointly decided that it was time to downsize our home and move to another area where the houses were a lot cheaper, as we could not find anything suitable in our area on our budget. Money was beginning to get tight and had started to dig into our savings. We all had a huge discussion and started to take steps into moving to the one place where we all loved and holidayed on many occasions and begun looking on the Internet for places in Cornwall. It took a few weeks to find somewhere perfect for us and we were thrilled to finally settle in a little cottage just outside the village of Mevagissey. We had gained a little bit of equity from the sale of our old house and managed to get our new cottage more or less how we wanted it. Jobs were scarce, but we all found little part time jobs and things to do, but after a few months, we did wonder if we had made the right decision. It almost got to the point of only being able to afford very cheap meals for dinner and wondered how we were going to cope in the future, but somehow we all pulled together and were thankful that we were living in such a gorgeous part of England - money or not money. However there were times it could be very worrying and stressful. My brother and his children delighted in coming to visit us during the school summer holidays so that was always something to look forward to.

One morning, to cheer myself up, I visited the local car boot sale and browsed around, talking to the locals and still getting used to the slower, more laid back lifestyle and enjoyed browsing at the stalls. One owner of a stall was selling bric a brac and it looked as if one of the plates was being used as an ashtray as there was gray looking dust over it. Something made me look a bit closer though. 'That plate looks a little familiar'........I looked at it more closely and I asked how much it was and she laughed, brushed the gray dust from the plate, wiped it clean, laughed again and just gave it to me! I took it home, with a feeling of excitement and anticipation and telling myself not to be so silly as to even think it would match with what I already had in my dinner set. I mean, how could it have been? How?
Miracle of miracles, it was a match! I stared at it for what seemed like hours and began to wonder if this old relation of mine had somehow sprinkled her magic dust around and it this is what my cousin meant that I would question?

Maybe this is why my late mother never felt close to some members of her family, with all the hocus pocus going on, but now I'll never know.

One of my daughters eventually got the dinner set valued and now we are £23,575 better off.
                                                                                       
Copyright Linda Lawrence


15th November 2005


Strange Magic

Dated

He had walked into her life so quickly all those years ago but now she wished he would walk out just as quick. Trudie and Kelvin were living in a sad existence of a marriage. They really didn’t like each other any more but neither could move on because of their commitment to their two sons and all the financial arrangements with the house, the mortgage and everyday living. Trudie just wanted Kelvin to walk out of their life, or try to meet someone else, so that she could live her own life. He did not contribute much to the family in the way of a father either and he was so miserable, had no social skills and with each family celebration, he did not want to join in and when he did, Trudie used to cringe with embarrassment with his thoughtless comments to people and he almost always put his foot in it with some useless remark that made people want to move away from him. He simply was not a peoples’ person. In addition, he did not make any effort to help Trudie around the house or anything that needed to be done and in spite of being a motor mechanic, deliberately avoided to keep Trudie's car road worthy adding to her suffering as he knew Trudie relied on the car for some kind of social life and to get her out of the way of him. Even his two sons’ despaired over his very presence in the house and did their level best not to argue with him. He never helped the boys with their homework and left Trudie to entertain them even from when they were tiny. He was very controlling at times - an expert at mind games and had become much worse over the years. He often gave Trudie ‘the silent’ treatment if she wanted to ask or know something, or used to argue and raise his voice when his opinion was not needed and he seemed to enjoy intimidating all of his family.

All Trudie ever wanted was some peace and tranquillity, or some decent adult conversation and a smile would not go amiss. Kelvin had also become a bit of a hypochondriac in the past and enjoyed having symptoms of one virus or another. He never gained attention which annoyed him even more and Trudie often thought what he would be really like if something were really wrong with him, how on earth would anyone cope?

At the beginning of their volatile relationship, she used to love cooking meals and preparing time consuming dishes for him, but as time wore on, he grew very demanding about having dinner on the table at the time he wanted it and eventually made Trudie so bitter, she never bothered with her lovely home-made dishes and stuck to basic, quick meals. Kelvin never seemed bothered what he ate anyway – as long as it was edible. Even the housekeeping money was reduced that left very little for other treats and it seemed all that mattered was food was in the cupboard and fridge. Just another way to control things, Trudie thought.

As the years flew by, the more controlling he got and Trudie spent much of her time walking her cute little mongrel bitch, Bella in the depths of the nearby forest to escape the torture at home. Bella (namely because she was so beautiful) was the little girl Trudie never had and spent ages talking things over with her as if she understood and spent ages pondering over what could be done. She was very much at peace when she took her little dog for a walk and it allowed her time to ponder. Kelvin had made her worry and stressed so much that she panicked if things were not to his satisfaction and as she started preparing the next evening meal and the sandwiches for the following day, she realised in horror, that there was hardly any fresh meat, salad or vegetables neither was there much choice in the fridge. In fact, her boys and their girlfriends had helped themselves to a lot of food shopping she did the previous day leaving almost nothing to prepare for a meal. She had no option, but to open a can of dogs’ meat and as Bella looked at her very confused she added some week old carrots with some garlic salt and dried onions and rolled out some pastry for a pie and her heart pounded as Kelvin took his first mouthful with the potatoes that were used after cutting out the eyes, but he made no sound as the food hardly touched the edge of his mouth and went straight to his gut and as he belched, Trudie smelt the beef and kidney flavoured dogs’ meat that wafted and lingered through the air.

Trudie lay in bed that night giggling like a schoolgirl thinking how easy it was to feed him such rubbish and him not notice, although she thought he might have got up in the night with an upset stomach, but it never happened.

Over the next few days, she sorted out her food cupboards and put different tins and packets that had now gone out of date and she delighted in thinking of the different ‘recipes’ she could prepare.

She tried not to laugh as she prepared his lunches; a smoothie made up of too soft strawberries, bruised bananas and slightly mouldy pear and mushy kiwis, chucked in the odd left over vegetable, then added some yoghurt passing it off as a pro-biotic drink. Sandwiches became a real pleasure as she thought up more and more bizarre ingredients to use. Corn beef that had been left in the back of the fridge for a few days with a little mayonnaise passed its sell-by-date. Cheese that had a little mould scraped off kept from a Christmas hamper with some cranberry sauce to sweeten it up. A little ex lax added to a home-made chocolate cake.

Soon, the friends she confided into over the years contributed out of date food; some coleslaw, lesser than fresh vegetables, soft split tomatoes, unwanted frozen produce from the fridge freezer after a defrost, out of date pork pies, some cooking apples that maggot had got into to sweeten a curry or apple crumble made with old flour infested with flour mites that had been stuck at the back of her food cupboard. She had even started to save some of the housekeeping money away in a savings account each week when she saved on the shopping bill.

As Trudie’s confidence grew, she started adding extra chilli powder to the chilli con carne that was made of minced Turkey that had been left over from a weekend dinner and tried to stifle the laughter as Kelvin coughed and spluttered, but he never twigged that anything was untoward. After all, who would possibly annoy or upset him? The list of recipes were endless and was very satisfying to once again, cook some favourite recipes - well almost, as she added some prawns that had been in the freezer for far too long to a paella and the pork chops with chicken minced up from the previous night for a shepherds’ pie, topped with creamy mashed potato (with days old milk) that hit the taste buds first allowing the day old left over meat to follow and began to feel a lot more satisfied as she now gained some control back. She even added a tiny pinch of salt to his cups of tea and peppered his tobacco.

Laughing hysterically at the thought of her revenge on her unloving husband, she took her beloved Bella for her morning stroll into the forest and feeling so much happier and positive now that the bluebells had grown and looked like a magic carpet of the purest bluest sapphire hue and stopped to admire their beauty with some other different wild flowers and fungi. She noticed the new seasons’ insects and the pretty butterflies in the chilly spring fresh air and everything seemed a lot brighter. On the walk back home she thought about the fungi she saw and thought how Kelvin loved his mushrooms and wondered if it were safe to pick them and add them to a casserole! The urge was irresistible as she picked a dozen or so and laughed wondering how her latest recipe would taste.

The following morning, Kelvin was on such a high! He kept talking excitedly and wildly; laughing, jumping around with such vigour and enthusiasm, Trudie had tried to remember when he last got so excited as she was not used to Kelvin’s’ non stop talking, openness and friendliness. She found it so funny that he was very persistent and try to achieve cartwheels and headstands around the room. Momentarily, Trudie thought of all the happy times at the beginning of their relationship, when they got on so well and felt so blessed when the boys were born, but things begun to change slowly over the course of time to change Kelvin’s’ personality - as if food was the key to all of his controlling.

Kelvin continued to ramble and rant and almost forgot his lunch-box and Trudie almost tripped over herself making sure he took his mushroom pate sandwiches and a flask of tea made with reused tea-leaves  Kelvin was still finding everything hysterically amusing as he left their house in the morning. He didn’t take the car – he walked and carried on walking.

Days later, Trudy read in the local paper that some passers-by were walking in the forest, found a naked man who now remained in hospital unidentified, diagnosed with Hyper-mania  Nobody knew him or where he came from.

From this day, Trudy walked out of his life as quickly as what he walked into hers.

Kelvin still remains in hospital and as a hypochondriac; he often feels ill and constantly asks the nurses if anyone is poisoning his food.

Linda Lawrence

3rd March 2007