Bugging me

Bugging me

This insect repellent

Is such a deterrent

Against gnats, even cats!

Or this and that!

Saves me having to splat

Or use a baseball bat

On those damn things

Who makes me itch and sting.

Am feeling quite sore

And so deplore

And do abhor

My blood being sucked!

While spreading your muck

And for you to abduct

Blood from my pores!

It’s becoming a bore

And also a chore.

Keep spraying on stuff

Enough is enough!

Am not quite so tough

Now my skins’ looking rough

With all these bites,

Can’t even wear tights

Would look such a sight!

You’ve got no right

You damn parasites

Better say your last rites!

And of using this cream

Of antihistamine,

I must be esteemed

And tasty like

Chocolate ice cream!

Now the state of my skin

All up my shins;

You’ve made a mess

Of my pair of pins.

And during the night

You home in on a bite,

It isn’t quite right

That the zap light

Didn’t trap you tiny mite.

And while in my dreams

You fed well it seems

It must, for you, be a delight

That you ate well tonight.

Copyright Linda Lawrence 20^th June 2014

Forgetful!

Forgetful!

I regret, I forget!
Am fretting and getting
Frustrated!

Feel so isolated
For not remembering!

Am trembling

That I can’t recall

Not much at all!

It’s on the tip of my tongue

Which ain’t much fun.

Words have runaway

Not sure what way!

It becomes unbearable

If it’s not memorable.

But on reflection

That lack of recollection

Need an injection,

Not disconnection

With many things

That forgetting brings!

I feel quite rotten
As now I’ve forgotten
Your name; It's a pain
And sounds insane, but
I'm not to blame
That my brain
Is not what it was
And it's all because
I'm older and colder,
My life's in a folder!
As a reminder 
(All neat in pretty binders)

Just so sorry

That I appear off my trolley!

Just so scatterbrained

And cannot sustain

Or maintain

My memory!

And no one’s explained

That it can’t be retained!

Copyright Linda Lawrence

3^rd June 2014

About those slugs...

Bad news

Bad news about my willies

As it seems they now have perished

Some hungry slimy molluscs

Have enjoyed their little relish.

I was in the running,

Contestants were engaged!

The little bastards saw me coming

Am standing here outraged!

I’ve nutured, sung and talked,

Fed and taken great care

It seems I have been stalked!

And for now I spit and swear!

They've nibbled my tomato leaves

Runner beans and other greens,

Those pesky little thieves!

Almost wiped the greenhouse clean.

And now my plants of pepper!

As soon as my back was turned

Am slowly losing my temper!

Just hope those chillies burned....

May 2014

Bloody Slugs

Bloody slugs are such a pain

Because of this persistent rain!

They munch away at all the leaves,

And really are such blatant thieves.

I took a look and had a glance

And saw they’d nibbled at my plants!

All the gardening and hard work,

Now I’m pissed off and really irked.

Wait until the Strawberries are red

And leave their gunk on them to spread.

The fruit and veg we put in the ground

Is now full of slug goo drowned

And all the time we patiently planted

The bastards took it all for granted!

The use of pellets to melt the snails,

Now we can hear their cries and wails.

And while it pelts and when it hails

They still leave a path of slimy trails.

The use of saline to make them ail

But will shoot them if all else fails.

There they are in black decay

And back they come to our dismay.

Lots of straw and salt put down

Never seems to keep them away we frown

And all our houses made from glass

Our situation is now impasse.

Of the hedgehogs in the grass

They’ll make them fuckers shit their arse............

May 2014