Bangers and Flash

Bangers and Flash

Charity bags, chewing gum, blue and black pens,

Shopping bags, sweet wrappers, fluid to cleanse,

Rubbish that’s been left –all by my friends!

Paperbacks, Paperwork and all their gen,

Something that looks like a contact lens.

Library card, bus ticket and one from a train;

Information from that holiday in Spain!

An umbrella, just in case of rain;

A memo reminder that I need to retrain.

Why did I start this - must be insane!

A missing screw on the seat at the back,

A very important thing called a Jack.

An old cassette I can’t play with good tracks;

An empty packet of much needed Prozac.

The screw must have been for the luggage rack.

A magazine that’s been completely unread,

A used plaster from a knee that’s bled;

Picked up my lost scarf, that’s red!

Shopping left in my boot with rye bread,

A bluebottle fly, trod on and dead.

Have even found some loose cash

It’s beginning to look like a handsome stash!

(Could have been used for a future cache);

Cleaning away with a cloth full of Flash

Really needed to give it a bash.

The out of date Rennies under the seat, 

A spreadsheet -my old signed off worksheet!

Sticky paper and in it, a hairy old sweet;

Used up tissues have been under my feet!

Meant to give the cat, that now mouldy treat.

A pair of small scissors, elastic band;

Found knitted blue glove – for my right hand!

A wrapper of sorts from Sainsbury’s own brand

And right at the back, some mixed mud and sand!

(Should have sorted this out beforehand)

Am finding this all a bit too bizarre -

It’s amazing what is found in a jam jar!

A nearly all - eaten milk chocolate bar.

The vacuum still sucking and needed by far,

As I’m working my way through cleaning the car.

Copyright Linda Lawrence

23^rd December 2017

Miffy

From Miffy

Try not to get startled if I bring you mice

And don't be angry if more than twice!

I'll try not to bother other cats

But I need my territory and that is that!

I might climb into your kitchen sink.

There might be a time I'll make a stink. 

My white fur will be everywhere,

Your flat, your clothes and in your hair!

Pet me feed me and I'll love you back;

I'll purr and curl on your lap!

Thank you for adopting - fleas 'n' all!

I'll run to you when you call.

Please don't put me out in the snow,

You'll only see my bright eyes glow.

I might throw up the odd fur ball,

On your floor and along your hall.

I might spray my wee coz I'm a Tom

But this is where my home belongs.

I'm glad you fell in love with me

And I'll love to keep you company!

 28th October 2017

Urban Sissy

Urban Sissy

Is it really necessary

To talk excessively,

At the checkout (depressingly).

Now she's forgotten the sprouts

(I want to scream and shout!)

And there's no doubt,

Another five minutes wait;

(I'm already running late)

It's getting on my nerves

This incessant talking is absurd!

Much rather have preferred

To show my face

In another place

At a faster pace

Other than a busy supermarket!

While waiting to be served

Your needless chatter - 

Who ordered you to natter?

And honestly!

Does it really matter

About this and that,

What food to buy his fussy cat

As I have to listen 

To this ludicrous chat!

And for those

Who chose to believe

The money off vouchers

We pay through the nose 

(We are being deceived!)

Who fucking gives a damn

About the price of ham

And the sweet taste of yam

And Sunday Lamb!
And as I get madder and madder
I think of the loo and my weak bladder!

I'm not here socially

Not for this humdrum

And almost become

A nervous wreck!

(In our world of high-tech)

Just wanted a pint of milk 

For my cup of tea....

(Urban Sissy is an anagram of Sainsbury's ...)

Copyright Linda Lawrence

7th October 2017

Oblivious

Oblivious

I forgot your name and forgotten mine
And will forget so much more over time
My family and my family tree,
Even though you keep reminding me.

I've forgotten where i grew up and lived,
Hope you'll be patient and forgive.
The way I talk has become humdrum.
I'm sorry about the person I've become.

There's no need to be so serious
You can see I am oblivious,
In my own world my trail of thought.
Go along with me, don't be distraught.

I open the door to you with a smile,
Not sure why you're here but stay a while!
Make a cup of tea while you're here
We’ll talk about the early years.

Forgotten the day and important dates,
Don't know if it's early or getting late.
I'm losing more capacity every day.
I'm sorry to be vague and faraway.

It's gone midday and in my dressing gown,
The disease in my head has let me down,
But I'm still the same person inside,
It's not my fault brain cells have died.

Please talk to me like you normally would,
I'm sorry if I've misunderstood.
Be kind to me, I'll be contented
Even though I'm disorientated.

Am happy living in my bubble,
Not knowing it causes worry and trouble,
Just help me through my twilight years,
Stand by me and persevere.

Copyright Linda Lawrence

16th September 2017

Out of Salts....

Out of Salts....

Forget the Pessary -

It’s not necessary!

And a suppository is messy.

Got my own

Pharmaceutical recipe -

Which is great therapy!

And it’s bought readily!

Not on prescription

Will give a description.

I’ve blown the hormones,

Thrown the progesterone,

Giving up on the oestrogen!

Binned all the unknowns.

Had a face like thunder

Been on fire down under.

Is it time I wonder?

Gone through cycles,

Read all things vital

And childbirth;

Given stuff a wide berth.

Now it’s time for revival!

Ditched the cream

That got into my blood stream;

The sheets got greasy

If you know what I mean.

There’s been a hitch,

It’s been a bitch

This burning itch!

(Needed to switch)

And I know it’s not the

Doctors fault

Trying all those enzymes.

And there have been times

I’ve been caught short

And felt out of sorts.

Had a douche

And after a whoosh -

The fire’s gone out

Less dry, was a drought!

Having bought

Some Epsom salts!

Copyright Linda Lawrence

1^st September 2017

Throw away the key!

Throw away the key

Put the politicians with the bankers

And other wankers!

And the dodgy world leaders

With the other bleeders.

The despots with the tosspots

The dictators with the traitors,

The Prime minister -

With someone sinister.

Give ISIS an identity crisis:

The propagandist -

With others more outlandish;

Democrats with some other rats.

The bureaucracy, full of hypocrisy and

Your public affairs

 Need urgent repairs!

Why don’t you talk straight!

Instead you procrastinate

Elaborate or abdicate!

We really don’t care,

We just want fair!

With all your airs and graces

There are traces of

Racism, extremism.

(Politics with brains in their dicks....)

I’m sure the majority

Would like to put these authorities

All in a huge pot!

And make sure it’s boiling hot?

Give it a stir, put on the top and

Let it simmer in a gloomy room

To talk of impending doom.

Throw away the key

And let you and me

And the rest of the world to sort the problems out.....

August 2017

Last word

 Last word

This might sound a little absurd

But think the animals will have the last word!

Forget global warming

And nuclear warning

They’re gathering up in their herds.

We’ve built on their habitats

And seen an increase of rats!

The bees are declining

There’s no way to confine them

And now there’s a shortage of bats.

More insects that carry disease,

From far away land on warm breeze;

Drag themselves through the mud

Then feed on our blood

And gorge on their own faeces.

Little creatures we need to maintain,

Now threatening our lives and food chain.

Forget the warheads -

We need our daily bread!

And not to think about the terrains.

We’re losing such rare little birds.

(I’ve heard we’re down to two thirds.)

Instead of a war

We need to explore

And spread more of the good word.

We’re trying to find cures for the ‘flu

And the asteroids kept an eye on too.

We need to convene

The rise of machine

Before they grow and accrue.

The insects will see us all off -

I don’t think we should sit back and scoff!

Our biggest threat

To our existence as yet

They’re something we just can’t turn off.

We know the world is at stake,

On board is the threat of Earthquakes.

Put the politicians together

With their chat and their blether

And the rest to talk over tea and cake.

Copyright Linda Lawrence

11^th August 2017

This is to all!

This is to all!

This is to all!
Some tall, some small and this is to all!
Some plump, some thin,
Most have goodness deep within.
Some just take it on the chin!
All have downfalls,
Drink too much alcohol,
Or coffee or tea!
Some are not as clever,
As others with degrees!
Some are funny or hopeless with money,
Some are sweet as runny honey.
Some are savers, some need favours,
Some like quiet, some are ravers.
Some are honest, some white lie.
Some are skint and just scrape by.
Some are loud and amplify.
Some are happy to comply.
Some are younger, some are older,
Some just hunger, some are bolder.
Some are lonely, just need a shoulder.
Some just listen, some just glisten,
Go through life like it's a mission -

Ambitious, so driven!

Some so easily forgiven!

Or some just give in!
Some are quiet, some like a riot,
Some just live their life on a diet!
Some are independent, transcendent,
Others can be so dependent.
Some just talk and do not stop,
Others shop until they drop.
Some work too hard and
Spend too much on credit cards!
Others always on their guard.
Some are happy, others sad,
Sometimes life has been too bad.
Now it's time for me to add
That all of our different shapes and sizes
Different colours and compromises -
Just wanted to emphasise
And perhaps commend -
Even overextend
My living days, in every way;
To cheer up a miserable Monday
And I couldn't comprehend
Life, without my friends.

Copyright Linda Lawrence

28^th July 2017

Holiday reminders!

Holiday reminders..

Please water the plants

When you get the chance!

Landfill bin out on Tuesday night

For the pick up each fortnight.

The bin will need a good freshen up

(Just thought we’d give you a heads’ up)

With a kettle of boiling water poured,

Around, inside, please don’t ignore!

Also give it a good hose,

So the smell is sweeter for your nose!

Ensure all food waste is tightly tied

Or flies and their eggs will get inside.

And turn off cooker after you cook

And other appliances - don’t overlook!

Keep the house as you find –

We’re leaving a pristine house behind!

Jenny next door has our key

If you need her in an emergency.

Wash your stuff will leave guidelines

And don’t get drunk on our fine wines!

Molly, don’t forget to leave out food

And clear up garden after barbecue.

Parasol, cushions back where they were,

Otherwise rot will occur

Have a great time in Budapest

Ease your stress and have a rest!

But keep in contact via phone.

And let us know you’re safely home! 

For my son
June 2017