Misshapen

 

  

Misshapen

 

I look at my misshapen breast

Knew there was something wrong.

I thought it might be cancer,

Had a feeling all along,

 

Before I got it looked at,

Before my breast got seen,

A deep sense of foreboding

It had even been foreseen.

 

I felt a lump deep inside

Leaning on nerve and tissue.

Every word in my head is the same

Fearful of what this might come to.

 

From anytime I wake up

Cancer’s the word in my head.

It overtakes my every thought

Until the time I go to bed.

 

It’s got a number and a grade

Which doesn’t make me worry less,

I am so frightened and afraid

Emotionally not at my best

 

The skin is puckered and dimpled

And growing inside me

An unwanted mass of cells dividing

Invading my privacy.

I might lose a breast

Am looking a little disfigured,

Making the most of what I have

As I look into the mirror.

Been through the  menopause

Going to go through another,

Estrogen for another five years

None of this is straight sailing .

 

Feeling numb about the future

Will the disease leave with the breast

My life in in your hands

The doctors will know best.

 

With thoughts from May 2025

 

 

 

Under the Oaks

 

Under the Oaks

The years of hope and now, powerful urge

Watching you sitting on a grass verge,

Under the shade of some old Oak trees

To make this day so special to me.

 

Waiting so long to get much closer,

Trying to keep my composure!

You have always been so elusive,

My findings were always inconclusive.

 

I longed to see you with a purple hue

Though it was enough to get close to you.

Flying past so quickly by

And above the Oaks, they were so high.

 

As time went by,  my curiosity

Kept on getting the better of me.

I had to get closer and didn’t foresee,

The beautiful experience you gave to me.

 

It’s true you like things rotting and smelly.

But nearer to you, my legs turn to jelly!

I love your eye on your fragile wing

And all the pleasure that you bring.

 

That day so hot and overcast

You sat there, chilling in the grass.

You opened your wings, welcomed me in

As you climbed up my moistened skin.

 

You helped yourself to my perspiration -

I just felt so much elation!

Your yellow proboscis , drunk my sweat

A day that I will never forget!

 

For half an hour, you fed away

The salt you needed for the day.

And when the sun was strong in heat

I let you go for your roost and sleep.

 

Copyright Linda Lawrence

 

03/07/2025