Now or never!

On Sue's impending operation

Now or never! 

I’ve got to be rid of my toe!

The doctor says it just has to go!

I need a swift op -

Just a quick chop,

It will improve things - I know!

I’ll be able to wear pretty shoes -

More shops to peer in and peruse!

Get rid of the corn -

(Now that I won’t mourn)

And good to have plenty to choose!

Start to wear my boots;

That alone is an attribute!

Or just go with bare feet

With my plates of meat

And I will stand resolute!

My digit of vertebrate

Has been a little bit delicate.

It’s has been apart

And needs to depart.

It’s long been separate.

Now the doctor, he’s very clever

As he knows what bit to sever!

I know I’ll feel better

If it’s done by the letter;

It really is now or never!

So when it’s all done and at home,

You’ll no longer hear me moan

About my second digit

And various widgets

I won’t miss that broken bone!

For Sue

29^th May 2018

Advice!

For Nicky's impending wedding...

Advice!

I’d like to offer some advice and hope this is alright?

So, first you need to restrain yourselves before your wedding night!

I’m older than you and wiser too, so read and understand;

Until your wedding day, you must only hold Steve’s hand!

All toys locked away, under control, kept in a safe place

And you simply must keep wearing the pretty chastity brace.

All the whips you use for now must be the walnut kind

You know what people say – too much can turn you blind!

You can use the chocolate after your vows, use your imagination,

Enjoy the same endorphins – whatever your temptation!

Keep your supply of AA batteries under lock and key -

Distract yourself until 7^th July and drink some herbal tea!

And please take heed, no tying up on posts upon your bed

I’ll lend you 50 shades of grey – you can read this book instead.

So before you do indulge in your animal sexual behaviour

It’s a quiet little village – just think of all your neighbours!

The local pub, village hall, the many pretty little houses,

The shops and the children, the woman and their spouses.

I have some gags for you to use, for your personal bonding

Just a heed for silence and restraint – this is why I’m corresponding!

Years from now those batteries will be for your TV control

And Watching Coronation Street will be better for your soul....