Touchy feely...

Touchy feely

It’s been ten years of hard toil picking up your stuff,

I think it time we drew a line and say enough’s enough!

From dust, to dirt, and filth, to grime and loads of skin and fluff,

Don’t you care that I’m fed up - now I’m fucked up and duff?

Am feeling ineffective, old and not so bold;

Now I’m all defective - keep blowing hot and cold!

The first time that you saw me, I was bought and sold

It’s just a shame you don’t feel the same, now I’m on the fold.

You’ve pushed and shoved, yanked, jerked and tugged

And dragged and heaved, hauled, pulled and lugged!

All I want in my old age is some respect (and perhaps a hug)

Fed up with sucking up to carpets that own blood-sucking bugs.

I’ve cleaned your stairs picked up all your hairs,

Disgusting brown, peroxide blonde with some grey and fair.

It’s time to buy another model - now they can have their share!

(Just be grateful that I gave you many years of wear and tear)

Remember the time I stood by your side with all that rubble?

I patiently picked it up and sucked - saved you a lot of trouble!

And all the things you can’t see, like hairy shaving stubble!

I’m blowing now, not sucking, am getting very muddled.

And In my dustbag, there are loads of fags, bits of mags

Scraps and rags, it’s got a drag and I’ll be glad

To retire. And you’ll be sorry and will be sad

Coz I’m won’t be around to clean your carpet shag!

I must admit, I’ve lost my wit, now I’m falling to bits,

My pipes are all long broken now a mix of sellotape and plastic!

I’ve slowed right down and with a frown, now I’m deemed unfit.

It’s high time now you considered buying a newer kit.

I’m not as young as I used to be, not so touchy-feely;

Not working as I used to, can’t be pushed around so freely.

My days are almost through now I’m not so steely.

With lots of love, in Hoover land, from your faithful Miele!

Copyright Linda Lawrence

For my Mum 12^th July 2012