Disillusioned

Heavy stuff thinking about someone who perhaps doesn't like me, but I do not know why.

Disillusioned

My problems solved under my sheets

Can hear the sound of my own heartbeat.

I close my eyes, drift off to sleep

And in my dreams I plan to meet

the demons I hope to exorcise

Before the morning sun will rise.

A new scenario I begin to analyse,

Another failure - albeit I've tried.

Now full of my own self criticise,

My mental strength quickly vaporised.

A plan that's already been thwarted,

Not talked about, quickly aborted.

(My psyche that's now so distorted).

And because of lack of indiscretion

There are some things not yet mentioned.

I'll imagine my way out of this mess,

open my eyes to life afresh.

Rid all my thoughts that have been troubled,

The misconceptions that have been muddled.

The wires that are crossed in my mind

Caused by people that have been unkind.

Can't cope with all this condescending -

Seems like now it's never ending.

And the person that I love the most,

Gets pushed away and can't get close.

I envisage my thoughts that feel so right,

what I should have realised in hindsight.

Now my judgement has become so clear,

As these confused feelings evaporate in tears.

These struggles begin to crystallise

As the sun cycle begins to rise.

But now it's reached its pitch and depth,

I'm learning to give a long arm length.

But as I awake to reality

My dreams were only temporary.

Copyright Linda Lawrence

27th January 2008