Sixty

Sixty

Don't want to be sixty

Didn't want to be fifty!

And hated being forty;

Being thirty just transfixed me!

At twenty, it convinced me

Was an age until I’m sixty!

How I got here is a mystery-

And years before it hit me!

Now sixty, so much history.

(Not feeling very frisky)

But please do not dismiss me!

Now it's here to afflict me

And no longer feeling nifty;

Am itchy bitchy, twitchy witchy

Hormonal, antisocial, very vocal

Amazingly am still tea total!

Feet up – another cup of tea

Now it's here to inflict me!

Get it over and done with quickly

Before you have to assist me

To stop me getting typsy.

Copyright Linda Lawrence

 25^th June 2018

Colonoscopy

Colonoscopy 

The doctors have not forgotten

About the camera to look up my bottom!

Eleven whole foot-

Stay still and stay put!

It's all made me feel quite rotten.

I've eaten far too much cauli

And now feeling melancholy,

As well as quite peckish,

Am fed up with lettuce

And feels like i'm off my trolley!

You're having a look up my butt- 

I'm sure it will all be clear- cut!

I've been feeling crappy,

Just not very happy

At what's going on in my gut!

What's going on in my gastrointestinal tract

As I've not been able to crap?

I keep breaking wind

And just want it binned;

It's been a bit of a handy-cap.

I know you must find this all anal,

But really just want to be able

To sit on the loo

And be able to poo

Without finding it all so painful.

It's all become a pain, 

Not to mention a terrible strain!

Am so constipated

It's become complicated

Not to be able to pull my chain!

So just before this investigation

Am feeling like a gas station!

My bowels are now empty

There's nothing left in me!

Hope it's the end of my frustration.

Good luck Jen xx

11^th June 2018