Until Dawn

 Until Dawn 

Will it be stars

Or hearts,

Or a grey night

Or black tonight?

I'm aware 

Of the cute bears

And snowflakes

Or with odd shapes.

Dots or stripes

Owls in flight.

The dogs' don't bite

It will be a good night!

Will it be yule

There are no rules!

The butterflies

In summertime

The light blue,

Choices to look through!

For every season -

That's the reason.

A warm fleece

In the colour cerise

Soft against my skin

Short on the shin.

The kind that are red

Getting ready for bed

And under the bedclothes

The type with pink bows

To support breast cancer

They've not got all the answers.

Keeping warm

Until Dawn.

Copyright Linda Lawrence

November 2025

Thanks!

 

Thanks!

 

Thanks for the baths

The laughs,

The dinners

All winners!

The wine -

Your time.

Beautiful trees;

Spray for fleas.

Great drives,

The one knife...

Warm throw

It's cold ya know.

Ouzo appreciate!

Tim - you’re great!

Reggae beat,

Venison meat,

Didn't share,

Couldn't spare….

Love you two.

 

Mum

October 2025

 

Bone of contention

 Bone of contention

 

I think about things from years ago.

The age of seventeen but still feel the blow.

Your accusing pointed finger,

Shouted and swore at me.

Just as well I was there at the time

For you to put the blame on me.

 

I did not lie -why should I?

And yet the shouting, the arguing,

I quickly said goodbye.

It caused a rift for many years

You used me as a scapegoat

I cried so many tears.

 

Your behaviour, your affair, your guilt!

Can't see this family ever rebuilt

Then years after, your did it again!

Another affair (But she loved her men)

I found it so hard to look you in the eye

Not my fault and no one asked why.

 

About this time, I could not cope

And with a glimmer of hope

Get my own life on track.

You and her behind some backs.

I wasn’t involved but was related

Speechless, felt nauseated.

 

If the truth came out your folks would break

But what would leave me Is this terrible ache.

You caused the mess I was oblivious!

Yet I'm seen as hated, feel so deflated

While your behaviour was hideous. 

Selfish and ridiculous.

 

You know I’ve been poorly,

You would have been told, surely?

Not even well wishes,  no card

No phone call, no message, has hit me so hard.

You can go to your grave with all your vile secrets

But you’ve left me with a legacy I’ll never forget.

 

With thoughts back to the mid 70s

 

Copyright Linda Lawrence 09/10/2025

Still me

 

Still me

 

Lopsided , wonky, awkward, misshapen 

And shaken.

Unbalanced, uneven, distorted, 

My chest unsupported. 

Disfigured , warped and swollen,

My shape has been stolen.

Deformed maimed, scarred 

And mutated

Deep down , devastated.

 

Painful, achy,

So much sleep -

Wakey wakey.

Exercises to keep

Rest, naps kips, snooze,

Tender and bruised.

 

Will I care 

That people might stare

Or look elsewhere?

Am I prepared?

 

Un-shapely, swollen, sore, 

So different from before.

Disproportioned, one sided,

A little lopsided.

But it was decided

And I'm clear sighted. 

 

Life saved, felt brave and I praise 

And thank you - so grateful! 

And I appreciate 

After discussion, debate.

Did not hesitate. 

Feel humbled and blessed 

You got rid of my diseased breast.

And although I'm not the same physically,

What I see mentally

Is still me.

 

Linda Lawrence

With thoughts from August 2025

 

Misshapen

 

  

Misshapen

 

I look at my misshapen breast

Knew there was something wrong.

I thought it might be cancer,

Had a feeling all along,

 

Before I got it looked at,

Before my breast got seen,

A deep sense of foreboding

It had even been foreseen.

 

I felt a lump deep inside

Leaning on nerve and tissue.

Every word in my head is the same

Fearful of what this might come to.

 

From anytime I wake up

Cancer’s the word in my head.

It overtakes my every thought

Until the time I go to bed.

 

It’s got a number and a grade

Which doesn’t make me worry less,

I am so frightened and afraid

Emotionally not at my best

 

The skin is puckered and dimpled

And growing inside me

An unwanted mass of cells dividing

Invading my privacy.

I might lose a breast

Am looking a little disfigured,

Making the most of what I have

As I look into the mirror.

Been through the  menopause

Going to go through another,

Estrogen for another five years

None of this is straight sailing .

 

Feeling numb about the future

Will the disease leave with the breast

My life in in your hands

The doctors will know best.

 

With thoughts from May 2025