Convenience

Convenience

So now we have a loo

And a shower too!

And feel so free

To get about

During the night without

Treading on the cat,

Slipping on the doormat,

Or stub my toe

While walking slow.

And not to chose,

To nurse a bruise

From our chest of drawers

(That became a chore)

And had my share

Bashing into chairs,

Or climb steep stairs

And taken unaware

Of biting gnats.

And I did twitch,

Fumbling for light switch

In the black and cold

Not feeling so bold.

Now an urge to go is

Not such a blow!

There's instant light

Without a fight!

I did deplore

Walking on a cold kitchen floor.

It’s good to have

An upstairs lav -

It was so overdue!

Why didn't we have a loo

Upstairs before?

Inspired by Sue Bass

Copyright

Linda Lawrence

2nd March 2016

Cockeyed

Cockeyed

Ready for Christmas - no! Not yet!

It breaks me out in a cold sweat!

Yuletide started in September;

I want those cards to dismember!

Valentine for sale on Boxing Day

I'd shut all shops if I had my way!

Mother’s day is fast arriving,

On this day the florists are thriving.

Plants and chocs they fill the shelves,

With Easter Eggs and not much else.

We should be celebrating Christmas day

And not be led so much astray.

Guy Fawkes, New year, they coincide;

Am very confused - it's so cockeyed!

He tried to blow up houses in November,

Now we're lighting up the sky in December!

Now some thoughts of forthcoming lent

And I think of all the money spent.

We have to take the decorations down;

But there are January sales in every town!

With bargains around for Fathers' day,

My credit card company I have to repay.

It's very cold with snow on the street

Need to get home for some bubble and squeak.

Summer holiday booked while so freezing,

The sand, sea and sun are teasing.

Baubles and tinsel are still glistening -

The T.V.'s blaring but no one is listening!

Am thinking about the trick or treats.

And keeping aside some festive sweets.

The flashing lights on homes galore

It's much too early - what a bore!

Everything seems so topsy turvy

And each year, it seems so early.

And as we tuck into too much Turkey,

It feels as if we've got too quirky!

Copyright Linda Lawrence

3/12/2015

Driving me mad!

Driving me mad!

'Kill your speed'

You're having a laugh!

It would have been quicker

To walk on the path!

Women with babies

Are passing me by!

Elderly gents and ladies;

I sit here and sigh.

Gas works, electrics,

They all need repairing

And my own water works;

(My bladder's unsparing)

It's appalling, keep stalling

Am fed up with crawling.

And people are bawling -

They keep on name calling.

There's no one to blame,

It's always the same.

Tempers are frayed;

I'm now so delayed!

Three way traffic lights

So many diversions

Are such an aversion

Could it really worsen?

Keep using my brakes

And can’t overtake

There’s so much at stake

Just need a break.

It's so hard to say

If I get there on time

Now I've filled my ashtray

It's now overtime.

Linda Lawrence

20th November 2015

Med dread

Med dread

Well, I’ve read all information,

Know my title and address,

My age and the generic name,

Exactly how much I possess.

I know who prescribed these meds,

The pharmacy it was dispensed!

Read the English translation;

Know the date when to commence.

The guidelines how it must be used

The way it needs to be applied.

I know how long it will last

But been unable to comply.

It’s kept just inside the fridge

Until it’s out of date,

Am well informed of what it will do

And even know its weight!

But is this child or adult proof

Am getting quite annoyed!

If I could only start to use it

I would be thoroughly overjoyed!

I’ve turned it this way and that

And trying to stay calm.

Have even resorted to blackmail

But can’t quite twist its arm.

I’ve pushed pulled, used a knife

To open it before end of shelf life.

Nearly thrown it out of the window

As it’s given me so much strife!

I’ve reread the instructions

But can’t find what I need.

There’s no further information;

Think I will have to concede.

Can’t seem to prize it open;

I’ve given it a nudge,

Spoke to it nicely but

The cap, it just won’t budge!

Copyright Linda Lawrence

26^th September 2015

(Inspired by Winifred)

Let me call you sweetheart

Let me call you sweetheart

You may be old and rusty

But you still play that tune to me.

Maybe a little fusty

But very much in key!

I wind you up behind your back,

You play that same old song.

Time and again that same old track

But together we belong.

With you I’d never get bored,

When you call me sweetheart!

Nor would you be ignored

And never would we part.

You are a little grubby

Stuck away in a dark room.

Older and more scruffy

But you lighten up my gloom.

You’d send me off to sleep

From bygone days your lullaby.

My parents bought such a treat!

So I would never say goodbye!

So let me call you sweetheart

I’m in love with you.

Let me hear you whisper

That you love me too.

And Thumper you belong with me,

Behind you is the wind up key;

You’ve been with me since I was three

Unwrapped from the Christmas tree!

Copyright Linda Lawrence

10^th September

For my Mum and Dad

Muesli

Muesli

I know it’s good for you and me

But it should have stayed in Germany!

And the Swiss probably think its bliss;

Would much rather give it a miss!

It’s probably best value for money

But even with added runny honey

It tastes like milk-soaked cardboard;

Assorted pieces like mixed up hardboard!

An early morning breakfast call;

Would rather not get up at all!

With some flakes and added nuts.

(Apparently beneficial for our guts)

Am thinking is this really rabbit food,

To others, this would sound quite rude.

Pieces of fruit, some berries dried,

Great for the digestive system I cry!

But personally, this is not for me;

It tastes like wood-chips from a tree!

With all the seeds and chewy grains

At least with this, weight wouldn’t gain.

And plenty of other leathery stuff

One tiny teaspoon is quite enough!

But as this passes down my throat

At least today I’ve had my oats.

Linda Lawrence

Copyright 17^th August 2015

In a bid for a bra!

In a bid for a bra

There's something about my extra bits

The reason why my bras don't fit!

They feel so squashed in an f cup;

They feel so tight and bundled up.

I've travelled so wide and far

To find a sensible fitting bra,

Got a lot on top, enough to share

But others would say, it's just not fair!

Got to get this off my chest

Coz there are times I feel hard pressed,

I really should be feeling blessed

But other times, I get so stressed!

It's not fair - I've been outbid

By some other person by just a quid!

I bid again and upped my price,

With others, now that's not so nice,

They have the volume just like mine,

Might have better luck next time.

There are times they feel compressed

And I do like to keep abreast.

Behind the blue and silver screen,

Has the size of in-between.

The deal is done and it's a clinch

From e bay, and the extra inch!

Linda Lawrence

5th August 2015