Christmas
day
I must say that this has got so contrived
While waiting for my invited family to arrive
And at weddings, funerals and over Yuletide
I should be resting but have got overtired.
The Brussels and carrots are now over boiled
After working flat out with all the toil.
The Turkey’s cooked underneath the foil.
(I hope they don’t buy me even more bath oil)
Dinners’ almost cooked, the bird is stuffed
It’s clear to see there’s far too much!
The spuds they are so overcooked
After two glasses of sherry they got overlooked.
Decorations hung, cards sent, am feeling grumpy
The Christmas flavoured gravy has turned out lumpy;
Gifts wrapped, sixpence in pud, plenty of booze
But all I want to do is snooze!
As we all exchanged presents around the table
Father Christmas paper from Aunt Mabel.
I tried to smile as I know she’s just able
To knit a garment in the stitch of cable.
‘Look darling’ she said after removal of wrapping
‘On you it will look nice and rather dashing’!
It should last you a while as it is quite hardy
The multi colours will suit you on your new cardi!
(I’d rather have bath oil) trying to stay composed
‘I’ll put it away for winter’ I tried to propose.
At thirty eight, it don’t look so great, but
I’ll have to wear it for Aunt Mabel at any rate.
As we take turns to open our presents of underwear,
Some liquid soap, socks, hankies, I don't really
care!
And more bath oil, plants and slippers I swear,
Some well received wine after a silent prayer!
So much cheese and we’re all cream crackered
While watching Uncle Jack who’s such a slacker!
He drinks our wine and far too much beer
And this seems to happen year on year.
Fill our tummies until our stomachs ache
More to come later after Christmas cake!
We pull Christmas crackers, tell corny jokes
They can be quite funny, all my daft folks.
The Turkey isn’t the only bird that’s stuffed
As my clan sat ‘round the table with a huff and a
puff.
They all
shouted in unison enough is enough!
After all said and done, I’m feeling quite chuffed!
The pudding caught alight with no alcohol in sight
It was running too smoothly before this plight.
Too much time preparing, all day and all night
And had a slight hunch that my pud wasn’t right.
Just mind that sixpence added to the mixture
It might just dislodge any dental fixture
It’s to be expected, the yearly ritual
The annual celebrations have become habitual
Our uncle Pete who normally drinks tea,
Today he’s helped himself to more than one whiskey.
As he pours yet another he’s really quite tipsy
And when we start to play games he is getting
Frisky!
And after all this we watch the queen on the telly
With burnt pudding, ice cream or some strawberry
jelly
A choice of some meats and other stuff from the
deli
We won’t be able to see over our bellies.
Don't come back for bubble and squeak
Coz most of Boxing Day I'll be relaxed and asleep.
And while the choirs sing, my debit cards pay
For the twenty four hours that's called Christmas
day.
I hope there’s no kissing under the mistletoe
And take your gifts from the tree before you go!
Thanks for your wine, some bottles of Bordeaux
And mind your journey through the rein deer and
snow...
Copyright Linda Lawrence
